The Sand Dollar by Fifi Leigh at www.lulu.com
June 1, Year 1, Saturday excerpt
...2:30 p.m. It is a nice, sunny and hot day on a Saturday afternoon. Tina and I are walking to the Soho-like artist village, checking out the ambiance, the art, the music and the people. All of the sudden, Tina drags me into this eerie-looking place and tells me that we should try it for fun. I look at her in shock and horror, but I nevertheless, go along, always game for a little fun and excitement, even though I feel that it is a waste of time and money. The spaced-out-looking woman, at the front desk, takes our twenty-dollar bill and directs us to a corner table, where a vulgar, trashy and gypsy-like guru is sitting behind a wooden table with a rosary and a white candle in front of her. She prays before she starts the reading. While I am staring at this ugly creature in fear and Tina is staring at her in wonder, we both are open-mouthed and awe-stricken. The scary-looking fortune-teller rudely asks me to write my name and my question of interest on an index card. I fill out the card and hand it back to her. She channels an angel, which she addresses as Archangel Michael. As his spirit enters her body, she takes on a different form, wriggling her grotesque body until the spirit settles inside her. She scribbles incoherent and illegible squiggly lines on a piece of white bond paper as the archangel speaks to her, so she says. She looks like she is carrying on a conversation with him, talking to him and answering him aloud. She writes down words in a weird and incoherent language that cannot be read through human or mortal eyes. She tells me mumbo jumbo words, such as one-to-one ratio, male energy, female energy, low self-esteem and BMS. Then, she tells me that I should know what they mean. I am thinking “whatever” in confusion. I ask her to explain herself because she is not making any sense. She tells me that she cannot explain it because it is very clear. She blurts out that my energy is high on the female side and low on the male side (I should hope so), creating an imbalance that will not let me move on in my life. I am thinking that she must have some kind of chemical imbalance in her brain to make up such absurd things. She further tells me that the only way to fix this imbalance is to either take a karate class or jump hurdles while horseback riding. I start chuckling. She has got to be kidding. I look at Tina, and Tina just shrugs. This weird freak hands me a gray bond paper with a meditation robe exercise, and she tells me that I should do this exercise in order to gain foundation and support in my life. Then, she predicts, in one month or within four weeks, I will experience joy and happiness. She tells me to look up the word joy, memorize the definition and live it. I am thinking that this whole thing is a bullshit joke. She goes on talking about achieving a certain career path. I am having a hard time understanding her bullshit or where it is coming from because nothing makes sense. She tells me that I have to do this karate and robe exercise in order to achieve success in my life...